


A Life Lost

by I_Write_Midnight_Snacks



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Ash Lynx Lives, Ash Lynx goes to japan, Ash deals with Issues, Ash lynx goes to the Caribbean, Blood and Injury, Canon Compliant, Canon is dead and Ash is not, Character Death Fix, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, I feel like in light of the latest developments I need to add this tag, I have no idea fam I guess I'll just add more tags if anything comes up, I really have no proper plans for this, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Canon Fix-It, Rape Aftermath, because you know Ash has to deal with that shit, but I know what I want to happen so here I fucking go, but also not because I'm making it my bitch, they get to be happy is what I'm getting at
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-02
Updated: 2019-01-09
Packaged: 2019-10-03 03:25:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17276204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Write_Midnight_Snacks/pseuds/I_Write_Midnight_Snacks
Summary: Months before, Ash Lynx had died once. He came back though, and what followed was just more of the same.Now, a stab wound and the ensuing chaos allow him to die once again, fading away from the danger that followed wherever he went. After all, a dead man has no enemies, and no borders. All he has are the people who love him, and someone important waiting for him in Japan.Or: The one where Ash fakes his death, and finally takes his life into his own hands.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back on my bullshit again, making another new fic despite the ones I have ongoing.
> 
> I'm gonna make canon my bitch, one way or another, though, because I spent half an hour crying in the bathtub when I finished this anime, and I'll be dead before I let it end at that.
> 
> So here's my own take on the slew of fix it fics out there.
> 
> Canon, whomst? Never heard of her.
> 
> PS: I did try to make the medical stuff in this as accurate as possible, but if anyone knows better and has any corrections, please hit me up! I'm making this canon compliant out of pure spite, so I need to play by their rules and still come out on top with a safe and living Ash Lynx. I'll make this canon my bitch one way or another, so any correction is welcome!

Chapter 1  
Emma felt bone-deep weariness just walking into the library, knowing she was about to spend hours reading up on the nervous system or whatnot. Memorizing boring minutia was her least favorite part about being in med school, so far, and already the bag slung over her shoulder filled with books for the upcoming exams was weighing her down.

_You chose this_ , she reminded herself. _Suck it up and do the work._

Positive reinforcement. That always worked, she thought.

Walking into the main hall, she frowned. Who had dragged mud into this place? Everyone else had the decency to wipe their shoes at the entrance, and there wasn’t even mud outside, so what gave, seriously?

Well, not her problem, really. It just felt disrespectful, is all, to the employees here who always kept the large library in perfect shape for tired students like her who lived half their university life in this library. Even if it was only really a drop or two.

Going to her usual desk, she noticed the blond boy who was often there sleeping at a desk which, ok, mood, but also he probably had better stuff to do than to catch up on sleep, based on how often he was here. A student like her, probably, and she wondered off handedly, out of a vague, misplaced solidarity, what exactly the boy studied.

“Oh, well,” she whispered, figuring he’d probably appreciate being woken up so he could finish his work. A couple more of those mud stains tracked close to where he was sitting, she noticed with some distaste, but whatever; he probably hadn’t noticed - and seriously, it wasn’t that much of it but where in the world had he even stepped in it? The weather was perfectly pleasant outside, had been so for a couple of days at least, no rain or mud in sight.

She slung her bag back on her shoulder where it was slowly slipping off, and reached out to shake the boy awake with the same hand. “Hey, wake up,” she said.

There was a bit more mud mud under him, now that she saw it up close, and there was no way it was that dirty outside. Come to think of it, he wasn’t responding at all. She shook him a bit harder, now slightly worried at the lack of response; nobody slept _that_ well on a wooden table, no matter how tired. She would know.

“Hey, come on. You should get up,” she tried, pushing at his shoulder to lift him from his position. That’s when the large stain came into view.

Blood, lots of it, around a large gash in the shirt. On the table, the papers he held were stained with red.

Emma froze.

She felt her body go numb with the force of her heartbeat and for a second, the world went silent.

Then she shook herself out of it, because _Holy fuck, this guy is bleeding to death, you’ve got to do something Emma!_

Already, she was pulling out her cellphone to call 911. His breathing was slow, and the stain on his shirt continued to grow, but he wasn’t dead yet. 

“He can still make it,” she breathed. “Someone… Someone, help me!” she yelled.

On the other side of the line, someone picked up. She heard the cursory ‘911, what’s your emergency?’ through a haze, and moved away the boy’s shirt, looked at the wound.

“Fuck!” someone exclaimed behind her, finally noticing the situation.

“Someone was stabbed!” she told the woman on the other side of the phone. “I’m at- at the library, the-” for a second. Emma forgot how to form words. She got out her location, eventually, and any details she could figure out. “I think they hit his liver,” she forced out at one point.

_Ah,_ she thought absently, _so it wasn’t mud, after all._

It all happened in a blur, in her head. It you asked her later, Emma would probably tell you she’d asked the guy who joined her to take off the boy’s shirt sometime in the middle of the call. “Don’t jostle him too much!” she had added. It might have been after she was told that an ambulance was on its way, though.

She could hear the blood rushing through her ears, muffling other sounds, remembering how she’d nearly considered ignoring him and going on her way, for a few seconds.

Still, her hands, cold at the fingertips, started moving on their own. Now that the stained shirt was off, she ripped it in two with strength she hadn’t thought she possessed, and used a part of it to press down on the wound and slow down the bleeding. That was about the only thing she could think to do, right now.

“You,” she asked the other man, ignoring the sound of the librarian sobbing in the background. “Pick him up, and lay him down on the table. Don’t jostle him too much, and for the love of fuck, make sure you don’t drop him! We have to stop that bleeding.”

“I, uh…” the man fumbled, his hands going up, then down, obviously panicking before finally going to follow her instructions. Emma followed the movement of the body, making sure not to let down on the pressure as the body was being moved. He’d probably gone into shock just before she found him, but as long as no major arteries were hit, he could make it if she just kept the pressure up and the bleeding down.

The liver was a bad place to be stabbed in, but it seemed to her at least that the knife had missed the artery. As long as she didn’t let him bleed out, the boy would probably make it.

Then, her voice shaking, she looked at the librarian. “Go out and watch for the ambulance, please. They should be here any minute, and I don’t know how much time he has.”

“I…” the woman sobbed. She covered her mouth with her hand, tears running freely down her face at the sight of the blood soaking through the dark cloth and staining the floor. “I thought he was sleeping, so I didn’t… I… I wanted to - to wake him but-”

Emma thought that the situation would probably catch up to her later, and she’d break down just as the woman was currently, but. “Now’s not the time! He needs help, go out and get them in here, quick!”

With another glance at the cloth, then the boy’s face, the woman ran.

Later, once the ambulance got there and the doctors got the boy on a tray and on his way to the hospital, Emma finally felt the way that all her limbs got suddenly cold. She’d been standing next to the medics as they got the boy loaded up, but now that they were gone, leaving only a few police officers behind, her knees suddenly bucked, and she had to lean against the building.

“Hey, are you ok?” a voice asked, and the girl looked up, saw the man that had been next to her in the library.

“I’m… I guess it just caught up with me. I nearly didn’t approach him, you know? And then I panicked and - and there wasn’t much I could do. I know, vaguely, what’s probably going on with him, how he should be handled but I - I never even got to proper live practice yet, I only know how to help him in theory, and even then only vaguely so I… He could still die, I’m not sure how much time he spent there since going in shock. He wasn’t cut in an artery, but that’s the only reason he wasn’t already dead, and there can still be complications.”

The words poured out of her like a cavalcade, taking a small weight with them, but cementing the moment in her mind all the same. These weren’t things that happened to her, she wasn’t supposed to face life-or-death situations like she was in some kind of movie, just run into these things randomly on the street. These things didn’t happen to her.

“You did well, though. The rest of us… I was useless in there, we all panicked. It’s good you were there,” the man reassured, giving her a smile that the girl latched onto.

“Thanks. I just hope he’ll be fine.” she sighed. “I’m Emma, by the way. A med student.”

“Liam,” he answered. “Astrology.”

After that, the police officers approached them, having just finished questioning the librarian. The only highlight Emma could really remember from the discussion, upon later thought, was that the situation might be related to a shooting that had happened down the street several minutes before she’d gotten to the library, in the opposite direction to her route.

***

5 minutes after being stabbed, Ash was watching the sky, and the lifting of a plane in the distance.

10 minutes after being stabbed, the young boy was found by a tired med student, shortly after going into shock.

15 minutes after being stabbed, Ash Lynx, known criminal in several cases of murder and fraud, and victim in a large scale case of human trafficking and child pornography, was being pushed into the back of an ambulance.

20 minutes after being stabbed, he was rushed into the ER.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max had thought that Ash was done giving him heart attacks, at least for a while.
> 
> He should have really known better.
> 
> Between making sure nobody is coming back to finish the job, and keeping the incident under wraps, Max has his work cut out for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, we all wanna get to the fun stuff, I'm pretty sure. Unfortunately, there's stuff that Ash will have to fix, loose ends to tie, things to get ready before he can realistically get away from NY safely, so I'm gonna power through all that stuff in the next couple of chapters.  
> Bare with me through the boring stuff, because I can't wait to get to the good bits in a couple of chapters!

When the entire mess with Golzine was finally over, Max had thought that Ash was done giving him heart attacks, at least for a while.

He should have really known better.

He really shouldn’t have been surprised to get a call announcing him that Ash had been brought into the hospital in critical condition, with a stab wound that just narrowly avoided cutting one of his arteries and thus being fatal. And yet he was, because somehow, after all this time knowing the kid, he’d still thought, for a few seconds there, that maybe life would finally give him a break.

As it was, he found himself driving once more to the hospital, much sooner than he’d hoped he’d ever have to again. Then, making that drive several times over during the next few days, as he dealt with the human trafficking case half the day, before spending his time waiting for the boy to wake up.He was pretty sure that the only reason he was even allowed to visit Ash was that he was the only known contact for the boy, with no known family, and he was happy for things to stay that way, really.

Somehow, he’d even managed to ensure that the story about Ash being hospitalised stayed out of the media. He had a lot of enemies out there, now with the political scandal that Ash himself helped bring to life. There was no shortage of people who would want to make sure that this time, he would stay dead.

It was just their luck, really, that he knew one of the doctors caring for Ash, having helped him out of a tight spot a few years before.

He was surprised, then, when a few days into the wait, he found a girl standing at the reception desk, arguing loudly with the receptionist about where Ash’s room was. For a few seconds, he panicked that the story might have gotten out, but there would be a lot more chaos if it really did. After all, to most of the world, Ash Lynx was still a dead man.

So, he stepped in, because what else was he supposed to do?

“Hello,” he smiled, greeting the girl to get her attention.

She jumped at the sudden voice, and when their eyes met, he noticed that she seemed pretty young. Shoulder-length ginger hair framed a round face and green eyes, clothes chosen for comfort over style. She came up to Max’s chin, and held some papers in her hand.

Her eyes, though, were set in a fierce glare that took Max by surprise.

“What do you want?” she snapped, and Max looked between her and the equally hostile receptionist for a few seconds.

“Uh… well, I noticed you asking about a... friend? A friend of mine, yeah, and I was wondering how you knew about him.”

It was weird, calling Ash a friend. He really did feel more like a son to the man, but it was hard to coin exactly what to call their relationship. So, he went the safe route.

“Mr. Lobo, Miss Emma here has been bothering me all morning trying to find your change’s room. I was just about to get someone to escort her out, but perhaps you can deal with her personally. Mr. Lynx’s case is a special one, after all, so please take this somewhere else. I have other jobs that I need to do, after all.”

Max had to laugh, because that was about all he could do in the face of two enraged women, and he found himself once again meeting eyes with the fierce ginger girl.

“Uhh, perhaps she’s right. How about we go outside, and you can tell me how you know about Ash, ok?”

The girl’s eyes narrowed, but she seemed to accept him eventually.

They made their way towards the entrance to the sounds of the receptionist’s keyboard, and their own footsteps echoing. It was early, after all; much too early to be dealing with trouble already, and definitely too early for a lot of people to be visiting the hospital, so it was mostly empty. Still, they stepped outside.

“I found him in that library,” the girl said once they were out. “I’m not sure what happened to him, or why he didn’t even try to get treated, but I found him bleeding out in the library, and held down a cloth to his wound until the doctors got there, so I guess I just wanted to make sure he’d survived. They didn’t even tell me that much, but I guess if you’re here as his charge, he’s still hospitalized.”

Max felt a rush of gratitude wash over him, making his knees go weak. He hadn’t known the details of Ash’s hospitalization, hadn’t even bothered to wonder about it when his only worry so far had been just keeping this out of the public eye. What he was hearing was that Ash hadn’t even bothered to try and stay alive, and that this girl was the reason he had even survived. In other words, he owed her a debt, and he owed Ash a damn ass kicking for giving up after all he and Max had been through trying to keep him alive this far.

“Why don’t we go have a coffee, and you can tell me more about what happened?” he asked. “My treat.”

And, well. If the girl had bags under her eyes and looked entirely unwilling to pass up on free coffee, that was just luck on Max’s part. He definitely didn’t goad her on purpose, after all.

***

“So, what happened on that day?” he asked the girl as they sat down at a coffee shop just a few minutes down from the hospital.

The girl, who’d been happily sipping at her coffee until then, set the cup down and sighed. “I really don’t know that much,” she said, suddenly looking more weary and tired than the fierce face she had put on in the hospital. “I was just going to the library to study for exams, like I do almost every day. I see him around there sometimes too, so when I saw him sitting there sleeping, I figured he probably had some work to do, so I went to wake him up, but he wouldn’t wake up.”

She stopped, sipped at her coffee again. When she spoke, the words sounded pained. “I tried moving him a bit and then I noticed all the blood on his shirt. I don’t know he got stabbed, or how he even managed to drag himself all the way to the library, but there wasn’t much blood on the ground, and it seemed like he’d kept pressure on it, at least until he went in shock, so I screamed for help, called the ambulance, and made sure he didn’t die from blood loss until it got there.”

Max nodded in acknowledgement, filing away that information as the girl took another break.

“I think I saw him with someone, a couple of times, but most of the time when he’s in the library, he’s by himself. That seemed a bit lonely, I guess, even though I go there alone all the time, too. So yeah, after they got him to the hospital, I guess I was worried. I had no idea if he’d even make it, if there’d be complications, if he’d even have someone visiting him...” She paused again, meeting his eyes then ducking her head. “The police came to talk to us, after that. They asked what we knew, if we’d seen where he came from, because someone was shot down the street a bit earlier and the guy had a knife, so maybe they were related.”

Max took a few sips of coffee, himself, and paused to think. He wasn’t sure who could have come after Ash without it getting back to him one way or another. If it was a fight, there would have been more noise with the gangs. He hadn’t heard anything though, which meant there might still be someone out there waiting to finish the job. Max just didn’t know.

He nearly cursed, already feeling a headache come.

 

“I’m really grateful that you found him. That boy… well, he’s been through a lot. I don’t want to picture what would have happened if you hadn’t found him. Thank you, for keeping him alive.” He smiled, genuinely, meeting the girl’s eyes and hoping to properly express his gratitude. “They kept him alive, for now, but he’s not out of the woods yet, and he hasn’t woken up so far, either. It’s really one mess after another, with him.”

Emma snorted, holding her cup tighter. “I can picture that. Considering he might have shot someone that day, I wasn’t sure what to feel; I lost a bit of sleep over this, but in the end I wanted to make sure. I really don’t know what to think, but I do know that he looks young, and that I found him in a library, holding onto a piece of paper and smiling as he bled out. I guess that feels more real than whatever anyone else told me.”

“You look pretty young, yourself,” he commented. “I am curious about something else, though. You were asking for him at the hospital, right? How did you know his name? You never spoke to him before, right?”

That’s when she looked up, seeming to remember something. “Oh, right! That was another thing.” She grabbed her bag from where it was dropped next to the table, searching for something between all the books she seemed to carry in there. Max managed to save his coffee, somehow, when she hit the table, though hers overflowed, but she didn’t even pay mind, coming up with an envelope, and a couple of papers that could only have come from one place, based on the blood stains.

“I went back in after the police finished talking to us, because I’d dropped my bag when I found him, and noticed that his papers were still there. I, uhh… well, I really wasn’t sure at first, so I started reading them, I didn’t know they were so personal - a letter, I mean. I thought after a few lines that it’s not something I should see, but it did mention his name. And besides anything else, I thought that he should probably have this back. This letter… it feels important, I guess.”

Max took the papers from the girl with baited breath. They were crumpled in places, and stained with blood, but the words on them were important, he knew, and if nothing else, he’d make sure the letter got back to Ash. There was nothing it could be, other than a goodbye from Eiji. Ash deserved to have it back.

“I… thank you, Emma. This would mean a lot to him, so thank you for bringing it back.” he smiled. Already, Max had a soft spot for the girl. “I’ll make sure he gets it, as soon as he wakes up.”

After a second, Emma finally smiled back.

***

They parted ways, and exchanged phone numbers, just in case. She still wouldn’t be allowed to see Ash, but at least the girl seemed content just knowing that he’d survived.

When Ash woke up a few days later, he was nearly incoherent, and barely even recognised Max sitting next to him. He fell back asleep within minutes, but Doctor Noah assured him that it was normal, at this point. His body seemed weakened from exhaustion, even without the stab. It was just taking this time to recover, now.

After a couple more days of incoherent mumbles and sleeping again minutes later, Ash finally woke up properly, for once. Max smiled, and when the boy tried to sit up, he took it as a good sign. “Don’t move, Ash. Just lay down for now,” he spoke.

“Ugh, fuck. Old man, is that you?” Ash asked through a groan, one hand covering his head. “What even happened, I feel like a train hit me.”

“You tell me, Ash. I just got called suddenly that you were stabbed and had been in surgery. Give your poor father a break! You didn’t even stay safe for a few days, you’ll give this old man a heart attack one of these days.”

In his bed, Ash made a sound that might have been a snort. “I’m sure that when I do, you’ll come back to haunt me just to bitch about it, won’t you? Ow, fuck my head hurts.”

Max sobered, but before he managed to talk any more, a nurse had come in to check on the boy. It only took a few minutes, but when she left, Ash was already looking paler, and he seemed about ready to tune out again.

“Max, what…”

“Shh, don’t worry. Go to sleep for now, the world will still be here when you heal up.” Max said, knowing this wouldn’t have worked if Ash wasn’t on heavy medication. “You’re safe here, so just sleep.”

The boy squinted up at him. He brought one arm to cover his face, and let out a breath he’d been holding. “Hmm… Ok, dad, I’ll….” 

Max’s heart skipped a bit, before going faster to compensate. He smiled gently at the boy.

“Well. If it’s like that, I guess I better keep my promise, and make sure the world doesn’t go to hell before you wake up, huh.”

***

Max had really hoped he was done getting involved in these things. Street gangs and their inner struggles were way too much trouble. Which was why it was only for Ash’s sake that Max found himself seeking out one of them over the next few days.

Ash didn’t know it, of course. He was only just on this side of recovery, waking up every once in a while, and most of those times, Max was there, keeping him busy talking about things that wouldn’t build up his stress. For the most part, he just went on about how badass Jessica had been, rushing into a battle zone to save him, and how they were getting married again, because what else was he supposed to talk about?

He talked about his kid, too, because Ash had met the boy, but had never really learned much about him, and now that he could live with the boy again, Max wanted Ash to know more about his family, for some reason that he refused to dig into.

Obviously, Ash made sarcastic comments every other word, but Max did notice how the boy never stopped paying attention to all of his gushing.

Outside of the hospital, though, he had to call in several favors in order to keep the police off the case, and eventually he even managed to contact a few of the boys who had been held in the facility with him.

Jessica was able to handle the coverage of the human trafficking scandal on her own for a while, giving him the time to deal with this on the side, and he’d never been more grateful to have her in his life.

It was unnerving, though, to go home only to find the young chinese boss waiting for him, and things were more than tense for a while. Ash had killed his brother, after all, but then, his brother had stabbed Ash out of some misplaced resentment, so it didn’t seem, to Max, as if Sing was holding him against him.

“I should have probably known this would happen, actually. He was so mad, then he left the gang, and I thought it was over. Damnit!” the boy had snapped, punching and cracking one of Max’s walls.

“Hey! Be careful, I’m still renting this place!”

“Oh, sorry!”

And that was that, for the time. Sing had looked conflicted, finding out that Ash was in the hospital, but he had left Max with an offer of help in case of anything, and the relief that at least the attack hadn’t been organised by someone with the power to come back and finished the job.

Ash was safe, for now.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ash has feelings to sort, loose ends to tie, and one more death to fake.
>
>>   
>  _“Let’s say that Ash Lynx died on that street.”_
>> 
>> _“You’re mad,” Max had said through a laugh, when Ash told him what he had in mind._
>> 
>> _“Maybe. But a dead man can have no enemies, and no past, right?”_  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, these chapters just keep getting Longer and Longer, and I feel like I'm on a fucking roll, at this point.
> 
> I haven't been able to cram out this much content in such a short time since the first time I started writing fanfiction, all those years ago, but that shows just how much this show lit a fire in me to see these boys have the future they deserve.
> 
> If we're doing this, though, we're doing this right, because Ash has the right to know his past won't come back to bite him in the ass.
> 
> Moreover, the last two minutes of the show and what happened in Ash's mind at that point need to be addressed, because it felt like the story's entire theme of 'childhood abuse has bad repercussions, but the victims aren't the ones at fault, and they can make their life better if they allow themselves to' just got completely shot down in a moment of ash going 'oh right, I deserve this after all'.
> 
> So, here it is, Ash dealing with some of that stuff, and more. I had to watch the last 5 minutes of the show again for this, and I was a sobbing mess for a while there, so I hope this was worth all of that. I'd love to hear what everyone thought of this chapter, especially since it's gonna be pretty loaded.

“Hnnghhh…”

Ash’s head throbbed with pain.

He covered his face with his arm, shielding from the light, but picked up on the sound of movement somewhere to his left.

“Ash?”

“Ugh. Is that you, old man?” that had clearly been Max’s voice, but ash couldn’t be bothered to look an make sure, not when it felt as if his head was being cracked open with a mace, and his abdomen throbbed with flaming pain.

“What happened?” he asked. Everything was fuzzy in his head; his body was heavy, trying to convince him to just lay down and sleep some more, and his brain felt slow and hazy. It was mostly the feeling if just how _wrong_ that was, how dangerous it was to have his guard so lowered, that finally forced his mind to snap into awareness, like a piercing reminder of something lost.

From his left, Max sighed. “You got stabbed, is what happened,” he explained, and, ah, yeah, that seemed about right. At least the explanation made sense next to the painful burning in his side.

“Don’t they have any painkillers here or something?” he finally deigned to lower his arm, squinting his eyes open through the pain in his head and finding himself, as expected, inside a hospital room. “Well, this feels familiar,” he commented drily.

Max chuckled, no doubt remembering the time they were in prison.

“Yeah, I’d appreciate it if you could stop getting yourself in here, kid. Or if you have to, at least give me some warning.”

Ash tried to laugh, though it turned into a cough. “Yeah, I’ll make sure to let you know next time I’m about to get stabbed.”

“Ahh, right. Give me a second, I’m gonna call someone to check on you. The painkillers probably wore off.”

He heard the door open and close, and the sounds of footsteps and voices in the hallway while the door was open. Then it was all silence, and Ash took the time to look around. There wasn’t much to it, an annoyingly lit hospital room, with white walls and white sheets, that looked too similar to others he’d been in before.

Instead of focusing on those memories, he tried to remember what happened before he got here, but it was all hazy. The only thing that really stuck in his mind was being out of breath, then a stab of white hot pain. He remembered dragging himself away, somewhere. Most of all though, his head just hurt.

When Max got back with a nurse, after a bunch of annoying questions that he vaguely remembered answering before, they finally gave him another dose of painkillers.

He nearly stopped them. Panic clouded his judgement for a second, when he saw the medicine. The pain wouldn’t even let him think, though, so in the end there wasn’t much choice - not when he tried to sit up, and immediately fell back because his arms wouldn’t work.

“Calm down, Ash,” Max said eventually. “I know you don’t like this, but you’re in really bad shape, the last months probably caught up with you physically. Don’t worry though, I happen to know the doctor responsible for you, I made sure everything’s fine here.”

Ash met his eyes, frowning. “How long was I here?”

Max paused. “It’s been a couple of weeks now. Do you remember waking up before?”

“Not really. Everything’s kind of a blur right now. Who else knows?” he asked.

“So far, only Jessica and Sing. I reached out to him, he said Lao attacked you in the street, and you shot him. Oh, there’s actually a girl who knows you’re here, she found you bleeding out and called the ambulance. You would’ve been dead by now, otherwise.”

In his bed, Ash felt his breath stop dead. Lao. Of course. How had he overlooked such a huge loose end? Fuck, of course. Eiji. He was running to the airport, running to go with Eiji, and the idiot suddenly came at him with the knife. Fuck. He breathed in, squeezing his eyes shut. Fuck. He remembered the moment, the pure shock.

For only a minute, he’d let his guard down and actually tried to hope against hope. For a second, he thought he could run away. He got stabbed, for his efforts. He should have known his past would catch up with him. He breathed in, his heart hammering against his chest. “Fuck…”

“Oh, no you don’t!” Max said suddenly.

“What?”

“You don’t get to start wallowing in despair now. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I can tell you right now you’re wrong.”

For a few seconds, Ash was stuck in place, feeling his breaths, in and out, going rhythmically, easily. Then he blinked, and he thought he felt a tear on his lashes, the world getting just a bit more blurry.

He didn’t know exactly what drove him to speak, then. Maybe it was the drugs in his system. Maybe just the fact that Max felt like the one person in america he could trust.

“I was going to go with Eiji,” he said. Something broke at that moment, and Max gasped. Tears made his vision even more blurry, but he kept speaking. “He said… he said I could change my destiny, that I’m not alone, but… Fuck, the letter. Max, Eiji’s letter, where is it I…”

“It’s ok, it’s ok Ash! I have it here! I’ve got it, here, take it!”

Never had Ash felt more helpless than at that moment, his body burning with every movement but still pulling him towards the stained, crumpled papers that his friend held, as if they were a lifeline. He grabbed the letters so gently, to not tear them, looked at the small, messy writing.

“I thought then, that maybe it was ok to listen,” he breathed out. A sob was wrenched out of his throat and with it, he held the papers closer. “Maybe he was right, and I could change it, but then Lao came and now… Do I even get to think that?” he sobbed, his voice shaking and his mind already fuzzy with the painkillers that were taking effect, but the burning in his heart didn’t let up. “With all the things I did, do I even have the right to think that? It’s going to catch up with me, all the hurt, all the killing. Fuck, how could I-”

“You have the right!”

Max was standing, his voice was strong, certain, but soft in a way that Ash, in his vulnerability, clinged onto. “You have the right to want to escape. You were dragged into this life, and you have the right to drag yourself out of it. That Lao guy’s problem is his, not yours. Whatever he thought doesn’t matter, because he didn’t know you. So what if you had to kill? Killing isn’t the worst thing you can do to someone. You should know that better than most.”

Ash’s eyes were wide, trained onto Max with a desperation in them that Max hadn’t been prepared for.

“And if you still don’t believe that, than you can forget it all. If that stab killed you, then nothing that came before it matters. You can just come back again, and be someone else this time. If everyone else gets to live on, then so do you, Ash. Besides, you said it yourself. Eiji was the one who told you can change your destiny, right? Did you ever know him to lie to you?”

Ash didn’t.

With the letter from Eiji still held to his chest, then, he cried.

***

When he woke up again the next day, Ash was glad that Max didn’t bring up what had happened. He wouldn’t have shown himself so vulnerable, not to anyone other than Eiji, if he wasn’t as weakened as he was. But, he thought, Max had been there for him the entire time, too, in his own way, and he had supported Ash ever since they met. If anyone was going to respect his boundaries, it made sense it would be Max.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“I feel like someone ran me through with a knife.”

“Funny,” Max shot back. “Seriously, though. The doctors said you can still have complications. Are you feeling anything?”

“Nothing I wouldn’t expect at this point.” he sighed. “What’s going on out there, Max? You said I’ve been in here for two weeks, there’s got to be some storm brewing.”

“Yikes, straight to the point, I see.” Max smiled wryly as he sat down next to the bed. “It could be worse, I guess. Everyone’s kind of wondering where you are, and word travels fast between these guys. Sing told me that right now, it’s going around that a few people saw you being stabbed, but nobody knows where you are or what became of you, yet. He kept silent on it, we thought it’s better this way, for now. You can choose what you want people to know when you get better.”

Ash smiled gratefully at the man, thankful for all the help. “What about… you said that a girl found me? What happened?”

Max’s expression seemed to change at that, and Ash only had time to brace himself for the scolding that came.

“That’s right! I forgot to bring it up, but from what I hear, you just crawled your way to the library and waited to die? What’s that supposed to be about, after all the shit we’ve been through?”

Ash cringed, remembering, too, exactly what he’d done and thought that day. “Hey, old man, it’s not your-”

“Like hell it’s not my problem! We’ve been trying to keep you alive for months, only for you to give up when everything was finally ok?”

Ash’s temper flared.

“Was anything ok?” he yelled. “What was? The moment I tried to escape my past, it all caught up to me anyway. And if I tried to get help, there’d only be more questions, and more problems. If it got out, there’s be dozens of powerful people out to kill me all over again. Where the hell was I even supposed to go? I told you, whatever I do, I can’t escape my past.”

“If you can’t escape it alone, then I’ll help you!”

Ash froze.

Max took a deep breath. “If my help isn’t enough, then I’ll call in favors, and get more help. I told you already, Ash. You have the right to try and get away. If you want to make amends somehow, you can do that, too. Or you can just run away, and leave everything behind. You don’t owe anyone anything. The only thing you _don’t_ get to do is to run away from life and give everything up.”

They held gazes. Between them, the air was charged. The room, for a few minutes, silent.

There was so much Ash could have said, so much he _wanted_ to say. In the end, he didn’t.

“Ok,” he said instead.

In his mind, Eiji’s words rang once more.

_And I said that you weren’t a leopard, that you could change your destiny. I’m by your side._

He thought again that he wanted to believe Eiji.

“Ok?”

“Ok. You said yesterday that if that stab was my past catching up to me, than anything after it is a blank slate. So, ok. Let’s do that.”

“That?” Max asked, confused.

“Let’s say that Ash Lynx died on that street.”

***

It took a lot longer to set up than it did to spread the news.

Everything had to be in place, after all. 

“You’re mad,” Max had said through a laugh, when Ash told him what he had in mind.

“Maybe. But a dead man can have no enemies, and no past, right?”

Max snorted, and that was that. So, they got to planning. There were a lot of things to get right, if they wanted this to work.

The first thing to get in order was the Doctor. The only way to realistically fake Ash’s death was if Doctor Noah helped them by declaring the death, and thankfully, the man owed Max a huge debt after Max’s investigation and his article had dug the men out of deep shit a few years prior. He had been outraged at first, but had to give in eventually.

With that covered, they had the fine tuning to deal with. Creating him a new identity was important, but even more so was finding the right moment for the switch.

More importantly, Ash had loose ends to tie.

***

“We can’t tell anyone else,” Max had to point out.

A sigh. “I know.”

“Ash, really. This is insane, it’s a long shot anyway. It’s chaos, right now. All the political figures you hurt with those pictures would come after you, and after anyone you love.”

Ash tensed at that. “Do you…” he met Max’s eyes, but the man waved him off.

“Nah, they’d be after me anyway, since I publicised everything, but I’m handling it. More importantly, if they think they’ll get to you, they wouldn’t hesitate to go after anyone. Not even Eiji.”

Ash tensed at that.

“He can’t know. Not yet.”

“... I know.”

For the moment, that was it.

***

After that, it was a few weeks of hectic running around.

Sing had to know, and Jessica would have to help. When Ash was at least sufficiently recovered to move around a bit, she was there to give her assistance with changing his look. He didn’t like it, but dying his hair and wearing contacts was important for the ruse to work.

With Sing’s help, and a lot of careful dodging of protocols, they managed to move around all the assets and money he inherited from Golzine. Thankfully, the money came in handy for crafting all the fake documents he’d need.

Perhaps most important was timing his ‘death’. A new patient would have to be brought in at the same time, to account for the time he still needed to recover.

That entire time, nothing could get out. It was a hassle, and Sing helping spread around false rumors was a lot of the reason why the entire ruse was able to work, keeping people off his trail.

During those weeks, two more things had to happen.

One of them caused a confrontation.

“Ash, I thought we already agreed on this!” Max groaned.

“I’m not leaving it the way it is, old man.”

Ash was able to sit up on his own, now. He’d still need to do some therapy, to regain his mobility, but he was on his way.

“Look, everything we’re doing will be useless if you-”

“She deserves to know. If I’m going to leave all of that behind, I want him to get the closure he deserves!”

Max tried to retaliate. He opened his mouth, trying to find the right words. Perhaps it was the memory of the same events that prevented him from speaking. Or maybe the look on Ash’s face made him shut up, then. He just hoped the boy wouldn’t regret this.

***

A couple of days later, they managed to create a good cover for Nadia Wong to visit him.

Max waited outside the room. He had to sort some information they got from Sing as soon as he could, but for now, it didn’t feel like his place to intrude on this particular conversation.

Ash had tried to keep everything about Shorter’s death to himself this entire time. Nobody deserves to be burdened with knowing just what the boy had gone through. But experience proved to Ash that hiding it only caused more trouble, and after all was said and done, Nadia had the right to at least understand a bit about what happened.

Upon walking into the room, the girl had immediately slapped Ash. That was fine.

Tears, though, he wasn’t ready to deal with, not when the wound was still fresh for him, too. But if he was going, then the Wong siblings both deserved this closure.

So, looking at the floor the entire time, he spoke. Later, he wouldn’t be able to remember any words he used beyond ‘I’m sorry’. He kept as much about the last moments to himself as he could. He died doing his best to protect someone that they both cared about, he’d told her.

If she could simply know that he had been put under a drug that took over his consciousness, and death was the only release, it was still too much, but at least it kept her safe still from the reality of just how painful Shorter’s last minutes had been. He was basically unconscious; that spared some of the pain, Ash thought.

_I made sure that they didn’t get to desecrate him further, after death,_ Ash tried to assure. He knew it was little consolation.

Throughout the entire monologue, Nadia had stayed silent.

When he looked up though, tears were streaming silently down her face, mirroring his own. He’d thought a lot, about whether it was better to just let her think it was all Ash’s fault, and live with her brother’s death that way. When she stood up and sat next to him, instead, he still wasn’t sure.

It was only when, wordlessly, her arms came up to hug him, holding him tightly as the girl sobbed on his shoulder, that he thought maybe he’d been right. Maybe the truth, though painful, would at least give her the chance to understand, and to heal.

***

The day after that, they got the wig and contacts for his new identity.

A few of days later, the fake IDs were ready. After that, it was a matter of acting out the plan.

The day that Adrian Crawford was admitted into the hospital, the news got released that Ash Lynx, previously thought dead, infamous gang boss with a long criminal record, victim in several cases of child prostitution, and involved in a recent stabbing, had died from complications and organ failure while in the hospital.

In downtown New York, a somber Sing was breaking the news to three despondent gangs.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farewells, and an encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Consistency? Who is she? Never heard of her.
> 
> This chapter was originally going to cover more, but this felt like a natural place to end it, so I guess it's another short chapter this time. The end of one chapter for Ash, the beginning of another, you know?
> 
> Good to know that I'm still willing to write this instead of studying for exams because I can't take my mind away from Banana Fish, even now. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy whatever this chapter is, I don't even know. It kind of got away from me.

Standing in the airport felt surreal.

With a good dye job, a little bit of styling, and a pair of glasses, nobody was even looking in Ash’s direction. There was still some time until his plane would get there, and he was taking this time to say goodbye to the few people who knew the truth. Jessica was there with them.

To her, Ash offered a thanks for the help she’d given freely, and good luck with the dangerous job she’d taken on. From her, he god a smile, and a wish for healing and happiness in the future.

After that, he turned to Sing. With him, Ash shared a moment of silence.

“Take care of my guys,” he said.

Sing nodded.

“Take care of yourself, too. You don’t actually have enemies, yet, you know.”

The boy snorted. “I do have a bunch of guys counting on me now, though. Even more of them, it seems, now that you’re stepping off and I have to take in a bunch of strays.”

Ash tried to say something, but Sing stopped him. “Don’t. Don’t make excuses now. I…” his fists clenched at his side, and the boy’s eyes avoided Ash’s. “I’m jealous, that you’re just getting away. Getting out. But you know why it’s not that easy. I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as you or Shorter ever were, but I happen to have promised a few guys that I’d be doing my best.” he smiled. “Whatever, just go already, before I get annoyed. Make the best of it, and all that.”

Ash, too, smiled back. In his pocket, Eiji’s letter sat, warm and heavy. “A friend of mine told me, once, that I can change my destiny. I wanted to trust him, so I’m trying to do just that.” A laugh escaped Sing, but Ash ignored it. “I think the same can be true for you, Sing. Take care.”

The boy held his gaze, communicating in a few seconds what he couldn’t put into words. Uncertainty, acceptance, fear. Determination.

Ash pushed away only guilt. He thought again of the pull he’d felt when he’d run for the airport that first time, and strengthened his resolve once more. There was something more waiting for him, if only he went through with this.

With that in mind, he turned to Max.

They held hands, and smiled, all bite as both pushed away other thoughts.

“I’ll see you around, old man.”

“Sure thing, kid. Just try not to bring a huge headache with you next time you come and visit.”

Ash laughed. “I thought that was part of my charm,” he winked.

That was enough. Between him and Max, nothing more needed to be said.

And with that, Ash was done, or so he thought before his three companions suddenly fixed their gazes on someone behind him, making Ash turn, too.

His eyes hardened, fists clenching at his side as he met eyes with Yut-Lung.

The noises of the airport continued strong around them, but in the small bubble of Ash’s consciousness, it was dead silent. The two of them stared each other down, seconds turning into minutes. Behind him, the other three were shifting uncomfortably. Yut-Lung continued to make that same infuriating expression that stepped on each of Ash’s nerves, the one that tried to be like a smile, but looked entirely like a condescending smirk.

It was Yut-Lung who broke the silence, in the end, too.

“Everyone else probably bought it.” he said, as if he were commenting on the weather.

“What are you talking about?”

The boy made a face as if Ash had asked the most imbecile question. “Your death,” he explained. “From what I’m hearing, people fell for it.”

“Not you, though.” Ash had no idea what Yut-Lung wanted, why the boy was even here right now, facing now of all times. He kept his guard up.

“Oh, don’t look at me like that,” Yut-lung waved his hand dismissively, making Ash tense at the motion. “It’s not like I haven’t heard the same thing before, but I happen to know that you’re too resilient to just go down like that. If everyone else is gullible enough to believe that though, it’s not my job to illuminate them.”

From his defensive stance, Ash relaxed just the slightest bit. “So then, why are you here?”

“What, can’t I just want to make sure my suspicions were right?” Ash’s eyes narrowed, and the young chinese boy laughed. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ve lost interest in coming after you. I really just couldn’t help myself, wanting to make sure I was right.”

“So now that you’re sure, why are you still here? I said I wouldn’t come after you unprovoked, but when you’re right here, pushing my buttons, my body might just move on its own.” By his own words, Ash was starkly reminded of Blanca, and the talk they’d had the day of his departure. That was still his nature, he supposed.

“And risk making a scene here, in the airport?” Yut-Lung had an arm on his hip, which was jutted out, looking infuriatingly cocky. “I don’t think you’d want that. Besides, I figured you’d want to know that I’m not planning on coming after you or your little pet, anymore, that’s all.”

Behind Ash, the other three went still.

Ash, surprisingly, found his body going entirely lax at the words. “Oh, after all the effort you put into catching us both?” He asked, raised one eyebrow. “I’m surprised you would come all this way just to tell me that.”

Yut-Lung exhaled a puff of air that nearly sounded like a laugh. “I still wasn’t sure of that, when I was coming, to tell the truth. I guess I wanted to see you, before I made my decision. But looking at you now, your eyes look more like a house cat than the wild beast you used to be. You aren’t worth it anymore.” he said, the smirk on his face just asking Ash to punch him.

“Why you-” he started, but was interrupted once more, this time by Yut-lung turning away from him.

“Besides,” he said over his shoulder, already walking away and for a second, Ash thought he almost saw a proper smile. “I have a bad personality, you know. I just had to have the last word.”

Then, Ash lost sight of him completely in the sea of people. When he turned back to Sing and the rest, though, he still felt as if he was being watched.

“I didn’t think he’d show up,” Sing said. “Sorry about that, it might be my fault. I promised we’d work together, to make Chinatown better. He probably noticed me doing stuff on the side lately. I think right now, he just wanted to make himself feel better. For what it’s worth though, I think he was being honest.”

At the confession, Ash couldn’t help but smile. “Ah, is that so.” Sing met his gaze, seeming startled. “Do your best, then.”

He hoped those words conveyed everything he wanted to say, in that moment.

Sing, at least, seemed to understand. “I will,” he smiled.

And that was it.

***

As much as Ash wanted to, he couldn’t go straight to Japan.

While Yut-Lung was no longer after Eiji, enough people knew about their relationship. If anyone else had suspicions that he was still alive, that might be one of the first places they’d start looking at for him. Especially since Ash wasn’t entirely convinced that the Yakuza in Japan didn’t have some kind of relationship with outside organizations, even if it was unlikely that they did.

So for now, he’d keep his previous promise to himself. He’d stay away from Eiji, and he would keep both Eiji and himself safe. He’d stay hidden, and keep his eye out for any information. He’d maybe support Sing from behind the scenes, and when the time was right, when his name would fade and his enemies would forget to look out for him, he would do what he’d tried to weeks ago.

He would run to Japan.

And this time, he would do it right.

Until then, someone else had, like Eiji, offered their home to him, one time. Which was why Ash’s flight found him on the way to the Caribbean.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Blanca is very much confused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was meant to be funny, but it ended up with quite a bit of angst, to my dismay. Unfortunately, that's what happens when I'm trying to keep things as consistent as I can with canon.
> 
> That said, I have a lot of mixed feelings about the canon ending. In my opinion, for the story this anime was telling so far, as it was the ending did some things well and some things pretty badly, but all I feel about it, especially in direct regard to Ash's character and the implications about him, I'm probably gonna keep bringing up in these next couple of chapters, too, because in this scenario, these are things that I feel need to be resolved.
> 
> This way, I also get to put all those mixed feelings I have down on paper and cope with them, so even though I'm technically planning for humor right now, while we're with Blanca, things might not go quite like that.
> 
> We'll see, though.
> 
> More importantly, there's actually a few more characters who I have a lot of feelings about that I'd like to resolve, especially Sing and Yut-Lung. One way or another, I'll see what feels better for me, but if anyone would particularly like me to include some chapters on what's going on with them, or on the contrary would like me to avoid that, I can take that into account at least for how I structure this, so let me know.

The burn of whisky felt odd against Blanca’s throat, familiar only in the same way as a city you haven’t visited in years. He was pretty sure that he’d forgotten to turn on the lights in his house, but that was fine. His mind was too hazy to bother looking around too much, one way or another.

He’d tried wine, at first, but it wasn’t strong enough, and the only thing he got was remembering the way he’d chastised Yut-Lung for drinking justa short while before, which only made him feel like a hypocrite, so de’d decided something stronger was required. Old whisky, the best money could buy, but one Blanca hadn’t touched in years; it didn’t do, for an assassin to let his senses dull, after all, even though, retired as he was, he could afford to slip just once in a while.

Like an old lover, it caressed Blanca with sweet promises before taking him for a ride, hitting hard and fast, letting him disoriented on the couch, watching dumb cat videos online as he had never done before.

A bad choice, really, because comical as the animals were when they tried to jump somewhere only to fall, there was too much there reminding him of Ash.

Damn it. The day he’d left. The very day he’d left, Ash had managed to get himself killed. It was his fault, really. He’d tried to protect the boy without committing to it, had invited him over before laughing it off as a joke - it was always half-measures with him, that was his big flaw, really. It was why he had neither committed to helping Yut-Lung, nor to helping Ash, despite everything, and now Ash was dead, the dumbass, had bled out in a library and died in a hospital, stabbed by someone who should have never been able to surprise Ash, probably because he was distraught.

And really, that was all on him, again, because he’d opened his big mouth, and had to project his feelings onto the kid, about his love life, despite knowing that said love was good for him, despite even confronting Yut-Lung about it. Again, half-measures.

He looked at the glass he was holding, tried to measure how much was left in it. The cat video was still going, and he was hearing a loud meow in the background. He downed the quarter glass of alcohol left - or was it half a glass? - and sat up. He should probably turn on the lights.

Ash and his martyr complex, probably blaming himself for everything around him again, and getting distracted. Damn it.

Blanca sighed. And to find out from the news, of all things, was just the finishing touch. “Damnit, Ash. After I… I tried to keep you alive during that mesh-mesh-mess, you let a petty thug get you…”

His hand hit the mark on the third try, finally turning on the light. Pitiable, really, for a world-class assassin like him. At least nobody could see him, in his house.

He did have the curtains drawn, right? No peeking neighbors - he checked, and yeah, they were drawn. Nobody would see him.

Just then, the doorbell rang, and he sighed. He walked downstairs, heard another screeching meow from behind him. “Maybe I should get a cat,” he mumbled.

At the door, he took a few seconds to gain some semblance of composure. One of his neighbors, probably, wondering why they hadn’t seen him in a few days, when he normally spent his days gardening out front or walking on the beach and picking up women. Easy to handle, really; Just open the door, smile, claim a sickness. People here liked to pry, but they also liked anything that allowed them to feign ignorance. It was why it was so easy for someone like him to lay low, here. As long as it didn’t interfere with their lifestyle, people didn’t ask many questions.

With that thought, he opened the front door. The greeting was already halfway out his lips, smile freezing in place when he looked ahead.

It took him a few seconds, in his state, to place the face, which was most definitely not one of his neighbours. When his mind, slow as it was, half-drowned in alcohol, placed those too-familiar eyes, he blinked. The door, which he’d been leaning on, moved, and he fell.

Undignified and confused on the floor, he looked up at the person now laughing about him, and despite the unfamiliar and frankly confusing black hair, that was definitely Ash’s laugh. Those were also his eyes.

Upstairs, another meow. On the floor, Blanca frowned.

“What happened to your hair?”

He’d probably slurred, a bit.

Ash just laughed louder. “Oh, boy. What happened to you, old man? This is one sight I didn’t think I’d see. Oh, this is great. Had a few too many, Blanca?”

Oh, right, Blanca realised; he was still on the ground. He stood, and looked over Ash. His question probably hadn’t been the most pressing one, now that he considered it. “I… How are you here?”

Ash flipped his imaginary hair over his shoulder, reminding Blanca of Yut-Lung, though either of the boy would probably strangle him over the comparison. “The magic of the internet. Once I figured out your new alias, it wasn’t hard to track down where you live. So, are you gonna let me in?”

Still busy looking over the boy and making sure he was really there, Blanca had nearly forgotten they were standing in the door. Right. In. They should go in, for now.

“I thought you were dead.”

Ash gave him an odd look. “Uhh… I really think we should talk more inside, Blanca. Also, you should probably get some water to drink, because you do not look good.”

“Oh,” he’d forgotten. “Right. Come in.”

“Thanks.”

On the way to his living room, Blanca remembered to turn on some lights.

Ash whistled, looking around. “Wow, your house is way too big,” he commented.

Blanca frowned. They got to the living room. His phone, on the couch, was no longer showing the cat video. The room was lit, at least, but that only served to show Ash the bottle of wine next to the bed, and the bottle of whisky on the table, and the couch, covered in blankets.Come to think of it, he was still only wearing a robe.

Ash snorted. “Right, ok. Let’s get you some water to drink, Blanca.” The teen turned to face him once more, only to pause. Blanca was staring intently, still deciding whether what he was seeing was real.

“Fuck,” he said. He exhaled, and his face scrunched in a weird, unfamiliar way that Blanca wasn’t sure how to categorise, and by the looks of his face, neither did Ash. “I thought you died! How are you here, Ash?”

Ash rose an eyebrow at him - and ok, his eyebrows were black too, which was just odd. “Wait, don’t answer that. Am I seeing things, or are you a brunet?”

He didn’t think he’d slurred too bad, but Ash was clearly holding back a laugh so maybe he was.

“Right, because that’s the most important question. Please tell me you didn’t drink all this just today,” Ash said, holding up the half empty bottle Blanca had been downing earlier.

“No,” he slurred. After a second, “Yes.”

“Oh boy.” This time, Ash did laugh. “Ok, why don’t you get some food and water and sober up a bit. It took an eternity to find your house and I’m all gross from the road, so I’ll go clean up. We can talk when you’re actually able to string two thoughts together.”

For a few seconds, Blanca blinked at him. “No, really. How are you here?”

Ash looked dubious. “Ok, this isn't going anywhere. You were the one who invited me here though, remember? I just took you up on that, that’s all.”

“I thought you died!” he cried out.

Ash frowned. After a second, “Oh! Right. I faked it. Best way to keep my enemies off my tail, right?”

“Fuck, Ash I was - I thought -” he struggled, not only because stringing words properly was harder when his mouth didn’t quite cooperate, but also because it was weird, even in his inebriated state, to come out with any direct feelings like that. So he settled for grabbing the boy’s shoulders, making sure he was really there. Which he seemed to be, but the black hair was throwing Blanca off.

Ash tensed, frowned, then rose one eyebrow, and Blanca belatedly realised that he may have been staring too intently. Too late, now. “Wait, were you… Was that why you were drinking?”

Blanca froze.

“It was, wasn’t it! You were so worried, old man?” he was teasing, Blanca thought, based on the smirk. “Aww, to think all this time, you actually cared.”

There wasn’t anything he could think to say. He let go of the boy, though. Again, too long. Making things weird. Right.

“For real, though. You need to sober up, Blanca. This is really weird.”

“... Oh, right.”

***

Despite what he’d said, Ash ended up spending the next half hour walking around behind Blanca, making sure the man ate some actual food, because he really had no idea where anything was in the way too large house, and would rather not go around poking into rooms. So unfortunately, taking a shower would have to wait until after Blanca was sober enough to actually hold a coherent conversation.

The moment came around the time he was halfway through the meal that Ash ended up joining him for, when he suddenly groaned, before downing an entire glass of water.

“Welcome back,” Ash teased.

Blanca looked at him for a few seconds, and ok, Ash knew this was a surprise, but the constant staring was getting weird, before going for a refill. After downing another glass of water, he was finally ready to converse.

Rubbing his forehead, he shot Ash a disbelieving glance.

“You’re here,” the man observed.

“I’ve got to say, Blanca, your spirit of observation is just astounding, today, even for you. I’m impressed.”

“How are you here?”

“Here I thought I’d get to at least settle in before having this talk.”

“Ash, you were dead,” the man said seriously.

“I made sure everyone thought that, really.”

“I went through all my New York sources, there were no traces of you.”

“That’s good to know, actually. This…” He hesitated, thinking of all the people he’d deceived. “Blanca, not even my gang know about this. I told you, I made sure just about everyone thought I’m dead. If you found nothing, that’s good news, for me. I was worried, to be honest, trying something like this.”

Blanca seemed to consider this. “How did you pull this off, then?”

“I…” He trailed off. How much did he explain? He didn’t want to drag anyone into this any more, and he wasn’t too comfortable recounting some of the events. “Some convenient circumstances, really. And a bit of help.”

From Blanca’s expression, he got the point; Ash didn’t want to say anything else.

“Look, I came here because I remembered you inviting me, that day. I had some time to think it over, and I changed my mind.”

“Hmm. So you decided to follow after your japanese friend, is that it?”

Ash sighed, frustrated. Blanca could see right through him in a way that he wasn’t comfortable with, sometimes. “I can’t just go after him. Maybe one day, if it’s safer. For now, though, I just…”

And he trailed off, because really, there was way too much to unpack about the feelings he had, and most of it, he didn’t want to share, here and now. He’d just read Eiji’s letter, and wanted to go after him, and change his destiny. He’d just got stabbed, and thought, in his last moments, that he would go out now, on his terms, loved and safe, rather-

“Ok,” Blanca smiled. “I get it.” He seemed to have figured something out, something Ash couldn’t pinpoint, and he didn’t like it, much, but Blanca stood up, and made a motion for him to follow.

“I have a lot of extra room in this house, as you can see. We’ll have to find a story for why you’re here, in case my neighbors ask, but I’m sure we can invent something. Now, let’s see…”

With that, the discussion was dropped, and for now, Ash let his train of thought die along with it.


End file.
